Obama to English Dictionary
By Aaron Anspaugh
aarona@purduereview.com
The following Obama quotes were taken from the three Presidential debates. They have been translated from Political BS to the politically incorrect, colloquial langauge of average Americans for your convenience.
“So we have to move swiftly, and we have to move wisely [in passing this Bailout Bill].”
Translation: We have to pass the $700 billion bailout quickly before the American people can stop it. We know what is best.
“I make sure that we have a health care system that allows for everyone to have basic coverage.”
Translation: Socialized medicine is necessary, just like in Canada, Europe, and my personal role model country, Cuba.
“I think [my plans] are pretty important priorities. And I pay for every dime of it.”
Translation: Did I say that I pay for it? I meant that YOU, the American taxpayer, will be paying.
“Now, look, we all would love to lower taxes on everybody.”
Translation: We would love to lower taxes, but that would mean less control over your money, and the government can never do with less.
“And because of the economy's slowing down, I think we can also expect less tax revenue so there's no doubt that as president I'm going to have to make some tough decisions.”
Translation: In order to stimulate the economy, I will take even more of your money to fund my socialist dreams.
“There's a difference between preconditions and preparation. Of course we've got to do preparations, starting with low-level diplomatic talks, and it may not work, because Iran is a rogue regime.”
Translation: I know how to use a thesaurus. I hope the American people do not.
“And one of the things that I intend to do as president is to restore America's standing in the world. We are less respected now than we were eight years ago or even four years ago.”
Translation: President Bush made the world hate us. I will fix it. Being popular is much more important than being prosperous or powerful.
“And then long-term we've got to fix our health care system, we've got to fix our energy system that is putting such an enormous burden on families.”
Translation: We need to nationalize healthcare and the energy industry. Only government knows how to run these areas effectively.
“Prosperity is not just going to trickle down. We've got to help the middle class.”
Translation: Prosperity should be taken from the rich and given to the middle class by me, and the rest of the federal government.
“The problem is we still have an archaic, 20th-century regulatory system for 21st-century financial markets. We're going to have to coordinate with other countries to make sure that whatever actions we take work.”
Translation: Capitalism was so 1900’s. Socialism is the future. We need to become progressive like the countries in Europe, which are so prosperous.
“It means looking at the spending side, but also at the revenue side.”
Translation: Why reign in crazy earmarks? It is so much easier to just increase taxes and pay for the reckless government spending that way.
“And that's why I think it's important for the president to set a tone that says all of us are going to contribute, all of us are going to make sacrifices.”
Translation: Yes, all of us will make sacrifices. And by sacrifice, I mean paying higher taxes and giving up freedoms. And by all of us, I mean everyone but me.
“And we can do [alternative fuels], but we're going to have to make an investment. The same way the computer was originally invented by a bunch of government scientists who were trying to figure out, for defense purposes, how to communicate”
Translation: The real source of innovation and invention in this country is not the free market or American ingenuity. It is government mandates, government spending, and government-backed studies done by government employees.
“Well, I think [healthcare] should be a right for every American.”
Translation: The Declaration of Independence should have said: “We are endowed by the government with certain unalienable rights, that among these are housing, healthcare, and the pursuit of a college education, all funded by the American taxpayer.”
“We've got some long-term challenges in this economy that have to be dealt with. We've got to fix our energy policy that's giving our wealth away. We've got to fix our health care system and we've got to invest in our education system for every young person to be able to learn.”
Translation: I am going to “fix” the energy market, the healthcare industry, and the education system. This means I will spend a huge amount of the taxpayers’ money on government intervention in the private sector. With my help, it won’t be private for long.
“So, look, nobody likes taxes. I would prefer that none of us had to pay taxes, including myself. But ultimately, we've got to pay for the core investments that make this economy strong and somebody's got to do it.”
Translation: I would tax the middle class and poor, but there is much more money for me to play with if I take it from businesses and the “rich” ($250,000 a year or more). If I get elected, it sucks to be them.
“But what is absolutely true is that, once we get through this economic crisis and some of the specific proposals to get us out of this slump, that we're not going to be able to go back to our profligate ways.”
Translation: Remember how the New Deal fixed the Great Depression? Well it is still around even though the Depression is over. In the same way, we need to make sure these socialist changes become permanent, surviving after their desired purpose is forgotten.
“But when it comes to economic policies, essentially what [McCain is] proposing is eight more years of the same thing. And it hasn’t worked. And I think the American people understand it hasn’t worked. We need to move in a new direction”
Translation: John McCain is George W. Bush. I will take America in a new direction… the direction that the Democrat-led House has been forcing on America for the last 2 years. Clearly, everything has improved since we took over Congress. Oh wait…
“And I think that we should look at offshore drilling”
Translation: I will definitely “look” at any bill for offshore drilling… before I veto it and tear it to shreds.
“But large businesses that can afford it, we've got a choice. Either they provide health insurance to their employees or somebody has to.”
Translation: We will either force businesses to pay for healthcare, or we will fine them harshly and then let the government pay for their employees healthcare. They are screwed either way.
“But it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be quick. It is going to be requiring all of us -- Democrats, Republicans, independents -- to come together and to renew a spirit of sacrifice and service and responsibility.”
Translation: The American people will be hurting if I am elected President. But after the pain, suffering, and massive government growth, I’m sure we will eventually become a decent country.